EDITORIAL: You know you have Jamaican parents when…

Yes, u noa u gats Jamaican mumma and puppa, madda and fadda wen:

IT COMES TO BEATING:

YOU NOA U GAT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN … dem carry you to Jamaica for a vacation, pull your pants down at the airport and beat you backside in front a everybody… fih mek up fi all dem dayz a Uncle Sam land wen dem cyann barely ‘smack’ you! Den it all heals before you return Uncle Sam, a sweet and savoury fruit!!!! — this ones on Anthea McGibbon

MEDICINE TIME:

MI NOA MI GAT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN … dem noa every bush fi cure everything from flu to God knows what, and, further, which part pan di island fih find every bush… (Anthea McGibbon)

MI NOA MI GAT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN … dem have dem personal herb garden, bush garden, flower garden fruit garden, vegetable garden anywhere dem goh live, whatever space dem got … (Anthea McGibbon)

HOMEWORK TIME:

MI NOA MI GAT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN … dem mek you carry all a dih homework an sit a dih bak a church or pon church verandah while church going on, fih do the homework while you listen to the message o God fih save yuh soul. (Anthea McGibbon)

SHOES TIME:

MI NOA MI GAT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN … dem buy pure ugly, but very strong shoes fih you focus pan school work. But church and other times you rewarded with a Sunday Best look if you with a sense o purpose.. (Anthea McGibbon)

COOKERY LESSONS:

MI NOA MI GAT JAMAICAN MUMMA AND AUNTIES AND UNCLES WEN … dem teach every jack sumaddy pickininnie inna dih family fi cook, wash, iron, clean and dih bwoy dem especially fi noa wa people a put inna yuh food… (Anthea McGibbon)

PRAYER TIME:

MI NOA MI GOT JAMAICAN PARENTS wen anyting go wrang mi madda, granny and all a di woman dem we in charge ova mi did jus guddung pan dem knee till daylight a pray, and some a dem well a stay lock up inna dem room especially wen a exam you aggo duh.(Anthea McGibbon)

GAS TIME:

Yu memba wen you have gas, you mother just pick off a leaf of peppermint or draw a handful of black peppermint and draw it, and you did haffi drink it hot hot till you a big belch down di place. (Anthea McGibbon)

PORRIDGE TIME:

Yuh eva drink hominy corn porridge and get the real corn in the porridge or the real corn in your cornmeal porridge or corn bread which of course was homemade. (Anthea McGibbon)

MI NOA wen mi memba dem sprinkling a brown suga inna mih porridge fi mek sure mi drink it off

DINNER TIME

:
You eva eat out a you fren yawwd or full you belly someweh else, but by the time you reach home you betta mek space or else. But den agin, some people did lucky fih have a mumma weh cook so good, dih smell a di food alone just mek space.(Anthea McGibbon)

MI NOA WEN You remember when everybody did haffi sit together every Sunday and eat off dem plate clean clean at every meal, regardless of what was not your favourite. (Anthea McGibbon)

BED TIME

LOSERS FINDERS WEEPERS TIME:

MI NOA MI GOT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN mi find dih shiny money and run go tell mi madda, and dem sen you right back go put it down where you found it, so the greiving owner could find it back again too. (Anthea McGibbon)

MI NOA WEN mi memba when mi mumma sen you go look fi something, and if she sure it deddeh you haffi go back and search till a mawning right weh she sen you till you find it and carry it to her. (Anthea McGibbon)

TEA TIME:

MI NOA MI GOT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN mi memba dem bush tea deh. Everytime, well almoast ebbry time, yu belly run yuh get herb fih drink cuz a time fih a wash out.

But memba di garden outside a mint tea, leaf a life, rosemary bush, french time. Alomst ebbry mawning if is not porridge or chocolate tea you sure getting a draft of one o dem bushes fih tea wid you breaskfast. Some just get the tea without the breakfast!

HAIR TODAY

MI NOA MI GOT JAMAICAN PARENTS WEN mi memba wen all yu a hear is wat a lovelely head a hair yu daughter got– dis becuz yu got dem big ole dodo platts deh inna yuh head. All wen people a seh yu head a suck yuh dung fi grow, you madda dis a step like johncrow in a bush jacket an some madda a tell dem seh is because she mix.. ar fadda a indian, chinese and God noas…

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FIRST PUBLISHED APRIL 8, 2010.

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Anthea

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