For argument sake, lets say Santa Claus did come to Jamaica, met with the jonkonnu and paraded with Brer Anancy for Christmas. This is a short story by Anthea McGibbon.
A woo dat a scratch di window Sammy. Lil Aisha neva stop shout till ar bradda rush guh look a who weh mek suh much noise. Low and behold a Santa weh him always a hear bout stuck up in a dih macka tree outside. Di branch dem bend right ova till them start scratch scratch pon dih window pon Aisha room.
Dih lil boy shock till im almost drop a grung, but nonetheless he tell di pickney fi gwaan pray. ‘Everyting alrite Aisha’. Sammy neva believe inna Santa yet, but disya white plump man stuck up inna him tree cudda neva come fram anywhere but the sky. Santa cheeks red like cherry, and him coat thick like wool and clean clean.
Him never understand how fi climb, how fi jump, how fi du anyting Jamaican and him a one big big big bag stuck. “Psst a yuh name Santa..” An wuss im neva realise seh a Jamaica him deh we the pine tree weh people use fi christmas tree grow outside a people window. “Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas Ow Ow Ouch, help me please, this is real prickly” was the response from the plump fellow.
Di boy neva do nutten more dan ask Santa if him really have toys inna di big bag and ongle wen Santa pramise fi gih him some, him tek wan stick an poke poke dih man and di bag till dem free up.
Bup, Santa landed on his bag. “Ey Santa yuh lucky suh till yuh hav da bag deh.” “Ho Ho Ho Merry Christmas.”
Santa, “a dats all yuh can seh?” asked Sammy. “A how yuh reach inna wi macka tree? We neva write nuh letter. Inna disya christian cuntry yah people nuh write letta fi yuh bring nuh present. Mih wuss nuh believe inna yuh cause mih a christian.”
“Plus nobody nah nuh money fih buy nuh whole heap a nutten, so inna Jamaica we go street parade guh watch jonkonnu dance every year.” A nuff pickney want toys, you couldnt gi all dem pickney deh toys.
Ho Ho ho, Merry christmas – it seems to me thats why I had the accident and fell into your tree. I’ll see what I can do. How about being my little helper? Could you help me to share some toys this year.
Santa inna Jamaica we nuh fih chat to strangers yuh knoa.
“Ho Ho, I wont harm you dear lad. However I cannot stick around long, as my reindeers will soon come looking.”
“Reindeers, inna hot hot Jamaica yah, Santa a wa yu a talk bout.” Shhhh!
Ho, Ho! Awright little lad. I’ll give you some toys and you help me find a way to give away some more. “Santa mih waant toys fi everybody inna mih neighbourhood, but if mih madda find out she will peel mih skin wid lick.
Ho, Ho.. well do you have someone.. “Wait, Wait, to christmas pudding” Mih have an idea” Why yuh nuh sneak inna dih parade and walk and hand out some a dih toys dem.
Di parade wid di jonkonnu dem. Dat way nobaddy wont suspect yuh.
“Ho, Ho what a brilliant idea. Ho where will the parade be.
“Santa, mih seh yuh lucky suh till. A tidday tidday a di parade and a same round town yah dem ago jump up and frighten di pickney. Mi nuh fraid doa.
Wait deh, if mih tell yuh a weh, yuh will gimmie my present fram now. Mih nuh di present dem dun and mi an mih sista nuh get none.
Mi will hide dem til lafter di parade su mi madda tink a di parade mi get dem.
“Ho, ho well lets get going then. Here’s that skateboard you always needed and your sister could do with this Jamaican doll.”
“Santa, a nuh seh mi eva a go believe inna yuh a fly round di worl pon dem big goat deh doa, but tanks.” “Mek mi go hide dem an cum back.”
Awrite come now, mih sista still a pray, an mi madda inna kitchen a cook. Mek mih show yuh a weh. Lickle later wen u a pass mih, hole out yuh hand an mi will put one chicken sandwich in deh cause yuh mus hungry.
Mi nuh noa how yuh ago manage, cause later pon Christmas day, everybody a go town centre guh look pon the nativity scene. Lef some back fi da time deh yuh hear.
Ho, ho ho seems like I’ll spend Christmas in Jamaica after all. Let me ping the elves to see if Mrs Clause can help with the other countries.
“Santa, no disrespect, but doan mid if people tink yuh a wear wan Santa costume and poke you or draw yuh hair. Wuss if a wan rasta pickney a look on.
“A christian country dis, and at christmas all some rastaman sing christmas carol and join di parade fi memba baby Jesas!” But dem love get present instead a fi gi out as mi seh wih nuh gat much money.
Ho, ho merry christmas.
Later inna di day Sammy spot Santa an show two a him fren. One a dem was Big Boy. Big Boy go up to Santa and question im bout church, an him belief inna God. Santa tell Big Boy seh him believe inna God and dats why him hand out present at Chrismus (Christmas).
As him a walk off Brer Anancy start go up to Santa fi walk di rest a di way beside him inna di parade.
Big boy neva ball out nutten else dan “Merry christmas to you too and hold dih bag tight.” Same time Sammy rush up and add “A nuff tings a go gwaan inna chuch, inna street and dung a parade fi christmas.”
Big Boy start mek fi ask Santa bout him clothes, an just start tell Santa how him fi glad seh di time cool when Sammy put him hand over him mout.
Sammy dis drag Big Boy hand and carry him guh look fih him lickle sista fi surprise ar wid di dolly weh him get earlier.
Meantime Big Boy deh wonder if Santa guh gi baby Jesas present tuh.