I need to get over him, he lives with new girlfriend!

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QUESTION: Dear Teen Connect,
I am an 18-year-old girl haunted by a recent relationship. The relationship ended almost a year and a half ago after only three months. Please do not judge me, but we truly fell in love. Now he seems to have moved on, but I cannot get over it. We continued to see each other unofficially after the relationship came to an end, and we are in contact until this day. I realized this year though that he moved in with a current girlfriend, so its clear that we are never getting back. A part of me wants to stay hopeful, but I know the best thing is to move on, and when I date other guys I cant forget him. Please tell me how I can move.
Alysia Love

RESPONSE: Dear Alysia Love,
Well, its good that in your thinking, you concluded you need to move on.
You have realized unlike other teens in the same situation that it is only normal to still have feelings for someone you break up with, especially if you had formed an inner bond.
However, it is usually not a good idea to be in contact with your ex immediately after a break-up, unless you establish certain rules to govern those encounters. One such is to shy away from anything that reminds you of the good you shared together, and another is to keep it ‘businesslike’. Otherwise you are asking for trouble, as an emotional species.
During the time you are separated, spend time zeroing on yourself. Surround yourself with persons and things, even visit places that makes you feel like you. It really makes no sense beyond analyzing where you both went wrong, and what really did you have to play a blaming game, even if you lay blame on yourself.
The fact that your ex has moved in with someone doesn’t always symbolize that he has moved on, but if you and he are over, his actions should not affect you. Do not pay too much attention to the reasons or status of him moving in with someone, as you may wind up getting involved with strategies on how to win him back. That is unless you have analysed and concluded that you both should not have ended the relationship for good reasons. Then you still have to stay away and focus on your development and being only his friend – NO INTIMACY!
Remember it is normal to still have feelings for an ex – male or female.
To get you moving forward here are some things you may try:
Give yourself some time to indulge in your own space for analyzing your own goals and what you need from a relationship
Analyse the meaning of love and relationship as opposed to infatuation
Don’t seem needy to anyone, or put yourself in a position to become vulnerable and do things you really wouldn’t have under normal circumstances.
You also need to give your ex space to become and understand who he is and who he wants to be – but you don’t want to end up being his puppet. This is to be applied especially if your ex was the one to break off with you, and without any understanding or explanation. Your letter suggests he just up and left as you didn’t offer any explanation for the sudden break up
When you date others, remain on a platonic level with them. Bonds last and are more meaningful among friends and those who understand each other. It could be that you both rushed into the relationship and advanced it too quickly
Protect yourself!
Why are you really hopeful – did he treat you as you deserved, or you are hopeful just because you want to be in a stable relationship beyond three months.
Above all, be honest.

All the best
Teen connect

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